The whole family gathers at the Dunphy house for the annual "Best Costume" vote. Gloria wins (as always) because she looks like a supermodel in fangs. Jay is eating candy corn directly from the bowl, grimacing. Phil’s QR code costume accidentally scans and starts playing a Nicki Minaj song at full volume.

The Pritchett-Dunphy-Tucker Halloween Gauntlet

(dressed as a QR code that actually links to a Rickroll): "Dad, the neighbor kids are crying. I think the fog machine gave one of them asthma."

The Dunphy living room. Orange and purple lights flash erratically. A fog machine is having a seizure in the corner.

(dressed as the Headless Horseman, except he put the pumpkin on the wrong shoulder and keeps bumping into doorframes): "Mitchell, the theme is Broadway Bloodbath . If the neighbors aren't weeping from the choreography of my 'Thriller' parody, we have failed as gay dads."

"See, Jay? He gets it."

"Lily, sweetie, we talked about this. Halloween is about fun threats, not real ones."

(dressed as a sexy werewolf—meaning she just put on fake fangs and a very expensive leather jacket): "Jay, you are abuela of the party. You must embrace the spooky."